I heard this song on my sister's PC tonite and it reminded me of my move to the UK. I got a bit sad... thinking that I'll be leaving my family and friends here and Mark. He has asked me once if he was the reason why I'm leaving and I said no... well... he's not the main reason really but partially yes. the main reason why i'm leaving is because I really need the change of environment and scenery. i'm getting bored and I'm missing Iris a lot. I also want to travel Europe so it's a great way of doing it I reckon. Secondly... I want to be away when the "stupid stuff" happens... i dont think i'll be able to be calm about it. i'm planning ahead... moving ahead. Although a part of me doesnt want to. I really enjoy Mark's company. I love being with him and spending time with him regardless how crazy we both get sometimes. Most times I feel that I love him... but I'm not sure how love feels anymore. I sometimes question myself if its just infatuation or love... or how do you know if you love the person or you just like the person. I love Mark to an extent... I love him enough that sometimes he drives me crazy! But I guess thats normal... people fall in and out of love. in my case... oh.. it's pretty weird. I just know that i love being with him... he makes me laugh, smile, moan, come, angry, crazy, feel up... down... high... low.... He makes my head spin... he makes me OMG! Its hard to explain! But yeah... it will be hard but it will happen and it will be sad but I will grow. Mark indeed is the Great Experience... And I'm just going to enjoy every single moment of it until it lasts.....

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Stay

Anna, your true color is Blue!

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

The Marky has decided to escape to Thailand to relax while the plumbers are fixing his bathroom! How neat! It's a bit sad but oh well... it's only two weeks. Besides my friend deno's coming down from QLD soon... so it'll be *PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!* I have told Mark that I'll be a bit naughty partying hard but no pounding! He was cool with it... I guess that's what I like about him... everything is okay as long as I'm not fooling around.... Anyway... I'm just chillin at my parents house for now... I'll be staying here till Saturday to behave myself and just to relax! time to go to bed!

G'nite bloggers!!!!

I have decided to move to the UK soon to work and maybe explore Europe. I'll be leaving in six-seven months time.  I've already told mark and he's very supportive of my decision although i've told him that I'll be breaking up with him before I leave. It's a bit sad but at the same time I'm so looking forward to it. I'm sad cos I'm leaving Mark my darling and my family but excited cos I'll be close to Iris my siostra.

I'll be visiting the Queen!!!!

I feel so lost and so depressed lately I seriously dont know whats going on with me. Must be the demon inside me....

I dont feel happy at all. Even when Mark is around I'll be happy for a inte but then crash the next. I feel so lost that I dont know how to deal with it. I might be really depresed... just dont know about what. I guess it's because it's getting close to the month of February... fuckin love month! The fuckin pressures and hassles and stress! I'm never with someone everytime it's valentines day... I guess I'm scared that before Valentines Mark and i would break up and then... yeah! i'll be single and devastated once again. Although... this year I was with someone both Christmas and new years.... So maybe... just maybe....

Fuck cant even post a proper entry! Sorry... I just feel so fuckin retartded right now!

i just need peace of mind... peace of mind.... and security....

Last night I dunno what happened to mark. So fuckin weird! He was normal the whole day. He slept over my house & before I left for work he was normal. I called him during the afternoon and he was still normal. By night time I called him again he was still normal but after about 3 minutes of talking on the phone... he asked me if i love him and I said sometimes I think I love him. Then he said not to love him cos he thinks he's not worthy. I asked him why he's said that and he said that he's confused about his life and love. And that I'm a such a nice person and that I dont deserve him.  I asked him why he's saying that and he said that he's just confused and even asked me if I get like that sometimes. I said yes, at times I get like that. But he's already made me upset cos Ive heard that thing before from Frank and it's just weird that they've also got the same excuse! Like for fuck's sake! It's so cliche!

Guys are so pathetic sometimes! I hope that if they want to break up with a girl, just say Im no longer interested! It's not hard to say or do! It's so fuckin easy! Funny how the other nite we were even talking about how stupid and lame Del is with Camila, playing with her thoughts and feelings... Mark, for fuck's sake... what do you think are you doing to me now?!!? How can a guy on his late 30's be still confused about his life? Or yeah... maybe it happens when you've got too many friends telling you what to do with your life. Fuck I'm glad I dont have much friends who meddles with my life... well, except for Anita who's a bit of an idiota as well, who is really pissing me off at the moment and I so want to fuckin just tell her to fuckin leave me alone and just be fuckin happy for me and not to be to so negative about my life!

Arrrggghhhh!!!! For fuck's sake! Fuckin annoying people! I better get me some lovin now... I need postive energy from positive people! So angry, so lost and oh so fuckin confused!!!!!

I was reading through one of my sickest friend's blogs and came across this short but funny movie and asked him if I can post it on my blog too! I'm pretty sure you'll love it!!!

Click on this sick link: http://www.foxsearchlight.com/lab/shorts/farmsluts/ quicktime.html" title="http://www.foxsearchlight.com/lab/shorts/farmsluts/ quicktime.html" target="_blank"http://www.foxsearchlight.com...

Enjoy!!!

I think it's now time for a change of jobs for me. I have been asking for a pay-rise since October last year and they keep on saying that I'll be getting it soon. Well, it's now 2006 and was told that I will hear from HR by this week. I'm not that patient enough with them anymore though and have decided to apply and submit my CV to some companies. I'm just hoping and praying that I'll find another job soon as I'm sick of my sleazy boss and the whingeing of the boys at work about work!

I like Mondays... Me Time Mondays... I'm focused and motivated... to look for a new job! 

I love Mondays!

Okay... here it is my Gemini friends! It took me a while to post it as I was too busy and didnt have much time to blog.

2006 – Your Year

You are already on the road to a lifestyle change as you read this, but there will be even more opportunities to work or live differently in 2006, thanks to a series of lucky breaks which affect how you are able to manage your job, health, wellbeing or daily responsibilities at home. A record number of Geminis will begin new careers this year, following surprising u-turns or sudden decisions – if so, you should feel an astonishing sense of freedom in your new position. A brother, sister or cousin will need a patient approach.

Love

Single Geminis

Your continued single status this year could make you the rebel in the family!  You may decide to fly solo now because of your career – or  because you value your independence more than anything else. You could have fun experimenting with a new kind of dating game which gives women equal power with men, or even dominance. One thing is certain. You do not want love, or even a wedding, on the same basis that your grandmother did. Only a certain kind of partner can understand this, but you're prepared to wait for what you want.

Geminis in Partnerships

Look deeper to find the bedrock of your love this year, and you will see that even though there are times when the relationship feels intense and changeable, there are hidden layers below which tell quite a different story. If you are still together after the challenges of the last few years, then you have been building quite a powerful partnership, below the surface. Geminis run on nervous energy, but sometimes this can create imblance in a day-to-day relationship. Centre yourself (yoga or meditation will help) and trust what you have.

Career

Some of you will make a career in beauty, beautiful objects or alternative medicine this year, even if your current job is quite different! For the majority of Geminis, though, the next 12 months is about quality of lifestyle, not quantity of achievements. Jupiter is passing through a horoscope zone associated with simplicity, service and the small things. This cycle, which can only take place every 12 years, will help you to create a job environment which is wonderfully uncomplicated, if that is what you want. Worth a try?

Money

If you were one of the Gemini women affected by the tough Pluto Saturn cycle last year, then your break-up needs expert handling, as custody or childcare issues are involved. In all cases, 2006 will find you booking vital appointments with an accountant, lawyer, Human Resources manager, union official or other professional who you believe can help to balance the financial scales. You may also be selling your ideas this year. For all Geminis, money means negotiation and debate this year; use your famous wordpower to succeed.

Health

The clues, signs, contacts and connections which are in place around May 5-6 and August 29 will bring alternative, exciting and liberating opportunities which will make a remarkable difference to your wellbeing. It takes decades for Jupiter, the planet of luck, and Uranus, the planet of freedom, to join forces like this; you will find yourself in the right time and place to make much more of your health this year, as a result. A highly intuitive doctor, nurse, dietitian, fitness instructor, yoga teacher or alternative health guru may be the key.

Yay! It sounds pretty positive to me! I'm going to the Gold Coast soon to see the clairvoyant who reads my cards... I'll let you know what she says too!!!

Ciao!

I feel so much better now compared to how I was feeling last night. I guess in some way being around my family gives me that calming feeling. Plus being with them reminds me of how lucky I am to have a loving a family. I know we're not the perfect family. Sometimes we get so anrgy and annoyed with each other that we would want to strangle each other and break each others bones but at the same time deep inside we know that we love and care for each other. And thats whats important.

I've realized I've got 2 types of friends. The good ones and the better ones. I'm not sure if I really do have bad ones... I'd hate to think that I do.

• The good ones are the ones who I go out clubbing and partying with. They're all fun to be with and yeah I know that they care for me to cos if some annoying bastard will try to pick me up or I'm to scattered and if I'm off my face they're always there for me. Boy problems, relationship woes or even just work stress, I can talk to them about it too. Only problem is we dont have much to talk about when we're out partying... not unless we're drunk then everything else seems to be very interesting or very funny!


• The better ones... They're the ones who's settled in their loving relationships. Either married, engaged or in a serious relationship. Yes we go out... for coffee, lunch or dinner. Occasionally we wold go out for drinks but they have to go home early, say around 12ish...? Cos they're tired or they've got something planned for the next day. Like shopping for something in the garden or they have to go for a picnic or they have to visit a family or etc.... Thats the downside. The good side though is... they are sincere and their friendship is real. I know that if I confide in them they really listen. I know that if I'm sad or if I'm happy they feel for me. If I cry theyre the first ones who comes into the rescue... no matter how far they are or what they're doing they'll drop everything. They get really excited and happy for me everytime I'll tell them a really happy story about my Marky. I remember once Kristell came over my house and it was messy, instead of telling me off and criticising me, she gave me a hug and told me she feels sorry that I'm too busy. She even told BJ that maybe she should cook me something for dinner to help me save time. When I'm sad, they feel sad too. I'll never forget the day when I was so sad and so lost, they were all there for me. If i didnt want to talk, they'll let me be and not be offended cos I was ignoring them and they just stayed to keep me company so that when I'm ready to smile they will be there to smile with me. Sometimes it gets a bit annoying cos they can be so nice to the point where there's just too much niceness! But I love them for their niceness and kindness.

It's okay I guess.... It's just funny how they've both got their upside's and downside's. I know I'm not a perfect friend too. Gosh... I reckon I'm the moodiest and temperamental person here on planet earth. I go crazy at most times and it's funny how they put up with it. My good friends would just tell me to get over it or sometimes just ignore it but bitch behind my back (yes, I know they do... cos one of them once told me that the one of them said something nasty about me... and yes... they do it to each other anyway... whilst I only whinge to Mark and most times I tell them anyway cos I'm the feisty or the bitchy one... remember?!!?) My better friends would just tell me that I'm having a bad day and give me something to eat, drink or something to amuse myself then move on and forget about every single thing that I've said to them. Besides as Iris said we all get bad days... we all just deal with it in different ways. I find that I seldom get upset with my better friends... maybe it's because they're too happy about their lives that they dont have much negative energy in their system, plus yeah... we seldom see each other so everytime we meet up we're all happy and there's much to talk about. The good ones... hmmm... maybe it's only cos we're always together and we run out of things to say.... But how do I explain my relationship with Iris then??? When she was still here in Sydney, we talk every night. See each other almost everyday, have lunch together every Wednesday, send emails to each other everyday and play tennis every weekend. Go to the beach most summer weekends, have drinks every Friday night. Yes we fight and argue sometimes... but only when we both dont agree to whatever it is we're arguing about. Most times they're really petty. Like why I was late, why I wasnt wearing the necklace that she gave me, why she wasnt wearing the thongs that I gave her, why she wouldnt want to go to Establishment and go to The Loft instead. Very petty things! Maybe that's why she's my bestfriend. And funny enough, even now that she's back in Poland we still talk like she's just here in Sydney. I cherish every single moment we spent together when she was still here in Sydney and I'll never forget the day she left. I was trying so hard not to cry when I gave her my goodbye hug and she was crying like crazy. As soon as I got inside the cab and saw her plane go, I started crying and the cab driver kept on asking me if I was okay. A very sad day. I think none of my friends here would cry like that for me if one day I decide to move overseas. None of them would miss me like Iris and I miss each other. Sometimes I want to just leave Sydney and move to Europe just to be close to her... besides Iris said that she can get me a job in Belgium. Hmmm..... maybe I should consider that.

I miss Iris so much now.... I miss her so much that I can smell her perfume and hear her laughter. I wish she would go back soon. She said later this yr or early next yr but definitely she will be coming back as she misses Sydney and me of course. She and Anita didnt get well along, Anita said she's (Iris) too possessive of me... Iris said she (Anita) just thinks about herself. I both like their company but you all know who's more precious and closer to my heart.

I miss my Siostra..... :(

I was so angry with Anita last night that I couldnt keep my anger and frustration to myself! It was so embarrassing talking to Mark crying about what she did... that stuid cow! Anyway, my good friend Telly offered that I go with her and B for dinner but I thought no... didnt want to ruin their "Pre-Valentines Date" as BJ is leaving to go to Nepal in the next couple of week for 5 weeks so I kindly declined. So... I had an unplanned Me Time!

I went to get some Spanish DVD's so while trying to relax and enjoy myself i can learn and practice my Spanish as well. An before I watched the film, I spoke to my mum who then told me that I got my spanish temper from her mum. Therefore... yes... sometimes my Spanish blood come out of me! Shame it's more of the temperament and not the looks! Doesnt matter though... I know that despite me not looking mestisa like my mum... I'm still as Hot as ever! :wink: :wink:

Anyway... so I had my Spanish film fest last night. I bought La Spagnola and Lucia and Sex. They were both very funny and I loved them both. I will have to say that Lucia and Sex is my favourite though. It's not because there were heaps of sex scenes but it was the story line. It's a bit twised and Lucia was just so bold and daring but at the same time so in-love. And her boyfriend Lorenzo... Tristan Ulloa looks just like my Marky! Here's a transcript of the movie that I've taken from Mongoose.

Sex and Lucia explodes off the screen in a convoluted story and a series of intensely erotic and explicit sex scenes. By the time the movie is over, the story still makes no sense, but the sense of confusion over it is refreshing in an exhilarating way. Spain obviously like it, since it garnered two wins (Best New Actress - Paz Vega, and Best Original Score) out of over ten nominations for the Goya Awards, the Spanish equivalent of the Academy Awards (the nominated fields included every major thing - including two supporting actresses, best actor, director, film, and screenplay). Julio Medem (Lovers of the Arctic Circle, Tierra) wrote and directed Sex and Lucia, and cast probably the most photogenic cast in recent memory, and to their credit, they look stunningly hot and can act too. The story has two main threads, one taking place in the present, and one taking place six years earlier leading up to the present. What is clear is that Lorenzo (Tristan Ulloa) is a famous author with writer's block. Years ago, he had a one-night stand with Elena (Najwa Nimri). She had a daughter, but he doesn't know this. In the present, Lorenzo's relationship with Lucia (Vega) is just over. Lucia cannot stand Lorenzo anymore, and he now realizes how much he needs her. After a phone call from the police, Lucia believes Lorenzo is dead and goes to the island that inspired Lorenzo's writing to search for some sort of catharsis. There, she rents a room in a boarding house and spends the day traveling around the island. Medem then flashes back and shows the how Lucia and Lorenzo got together. Lucia was a huge fan of Lorenzo's first book, and she essentially threw herself at him. Their initial relationship consisted mostly of sex, which Medem filmed in unnecessarily graphic detail, as is the style in Europe these days. This can show any number of things; how tenuous their relationship is, how strong their relationship can be based on so little, or how spontaneous and free Lucia is. Their relationship begins to crumble as Lorenzo's novel fails to materialize on a timely basis. Lorenzo works in the school of thought where he writes what he knows. This is where things get especially confusing, especially as the movie moves into its third act. As the sex with Lucia becomes more intense, his novel heats up with similar situations. So is he writing what is happening to him, or is he imagining what he wishes would happen? He begins to incorporate Belen (Elena Anaya) into his novel. Belen, Lorenzo learns, is taking care of his daughter Luna (Silvia Llanos). He spends time with Belen because she spends time with Luna, but eventually their relationship becomes much closer. Some of the twists and relationships that exist between the characters become a little along the lines of a bad soap opera, but this is forgivable since Medem goes about it so stylistically. Everything turns back on itself, and everybody, sooner or later, comes back. Things begin getting extremely confusing, and there are multiple ways to interpret the ending, each one satisfying. Watching Sex and Lucia requires some thought, since things flash by quickly that have meaning later. Visually, Sex and Lucia is enthralling. Filming sex is difficult, adding the element of eroticism especially so. Lucia and Lorenzo (and everyone else) literally attack each other in bed, moaning, writhing, stripping, and playing with all sorts of things to sultry music by Alberto Iglesias . Medem films in such a way that parts of Sex and Lucia look like a dream, and this doesn't help understanding the movie any better. The island represents a happier time for Lorenzo, which is why Lucia goes there. On the island, the camera emphasizes the sun; everything is incredibly bright. It is as if nobody can hide anything, and the sun can cleanse away anything bad. And Medem isn't just using graphic sex to lure people in. The most explicit stuff tones down after the first half hour or so, and Medem then takes time to flesh out the characters more. Lorenzo is dealing with paternal instincts, Lucia with love, and Elena with betrayal. The characters quickly learn that they need more than superficial things for happiness. By the end, aside from the mass feeling of confusion and awe, it's also clear that at heart, Medem is a romantic.

Mongoose Rates It: Pretty Good.

_{Watching DVD's helped me calm down myself. I think I had a pretty good Me Time despite going bananas at first.... Mark reckons I should talk to Anita... dunno why or what for  the damage has been done and you guys know me... Once it's gone, it's gone. Oh well... lets see what will happen next.}

_Adios....

Mark has found my blog... Maybe I should move weblogs now but it wont make sense because he can just do a search on Google and still find me! Oh well... maybe just stop blogging! No!!!! Hehehehehehe..... Oh well... not much skeleton in the closet anyway. I was reading my blog last night till 2AM and it's the same old shit story anyway! Funny shit... Crazy shit! hehehehe.... I dont have much to write in here as I'm meant to be doing something else.... Later...........

Happy New year to everybody!!! My gosh... my NY's eve was really good and and lotsa fun! I had dinner with my girlfriends and later on met up with Mark for a New Yr's Pash (and sex)! When we got to The Fringe, we saw Aaron and Julius and they were with their new girlfriends. I like them... I reckon they're both nice and pretty. I was so happy and Anita was telling me that she hasnt seen me like that ever! I was so scattered it was so funny and I remember i was like this last NY's 2005 with Emily too... only this time there were no fighting, just laughing, giggling, flirting and just having a really good time with my friends. When Mark came around, we went sorta drifted from my friends and just had "us time" and just started pashing... I was a happy puppy and loved everyone that night that I was just carressing Mark's back and just giving him little kisses until we got back to his house around 3:30am. He told me I looked like a mess and we took a cold shower together as it was so hot (twas 38 deg)!!! Then as soon as we hit the sack... gone were our inhibitions! We didnt stop till 7am! i had to tell him to stop as I was so tired and I had to go to my Nan's house for NY's lunch and he had to go to his friends party the same time.

New Yr's day... it was so hot!!! It was 45 deg and I was so cranky cos Mark couldnt drive me home as we both got up late and we both had commitments at the same time. I was also scattered still from the night before partying like I havent done for ages! Hehehehehe....

But before I left his house, we made some big plans for Tuesday.... Once done, I'll let you know....

Hint: it's a marathon! 

The yr 2005 has been a bit full-on! It was a black yr for my family as a couple of my relos has gone (passed away) including my dear cousin Nikko who we all love and miss so much until now.

But aside from that my yr personally has been a bit exciting if not eventful! A lot of things has happened that has changed me as a person. From break-ups to new new (and GREAT) relationships. Friendships that has ended and friendship that was renewed. I have learnt so much and funny enough having a lot of "Me Time" has helped me reflect on those "up's and down's" in my life.

The first lesson that I've learnt and will forever keep is the lesson in giving trust to other people.

• Christian... hmmm... I dont know how to start as I've already moved on and have managed to forget (specially forgive). I was decieved and betrayed. What he's done is worst than cheating... but I've already healed and completely have moved on.


• Frank... Oh.... The so-called-love of my life! hehehehe... who would have thought that this relationship would end. And who would have thought that I would be the one breaking up with him when all the while everyone thought I was madly in-love with him!!! But.. I was! WAS! Meaning not anymore! After having that "talk" with him and after him confessing that he has been seeing other girls on the side, I have decided that I will not put up with his shit and that it will be better for me to move on with my life. Yes of course I felt upset! Gone was my Italian Wedding and Honeymoon in Tuscany (just dreaming really....) But most of all, I missed his mum... Zia Nina.... Her fine Italian food... hmmm.... but it wasnt just about the food!!! I loved spending time with her.... even just going to the nursery to buy plants for spring was a great day with her. I've learnt so much about life from her. I've learnt that regardless about what other people percieve your family or yourself... you shouldnt care. Because at the end of the day... You know better than those people who likes to criticize about you!

Good things has happened too! God... I have been going to the Gold Coast like crazy! But my last trip there made me realize that I really dont want to live there but just want to spend time with my bestfriend Deno (Emily). We have done losta stupid but fun things together and I dont have any regrets at all... if any... lack of sleep... But thats where my Marky (aka The Great Marky Experience) came along.

I have been partying hard this year! Been partying hard like its always New Years Eve every weekend! Till I met Mark. I've stopped smacking myself crazy... try hard not to get too drunk and have been fit than ever before (except for this week as we've only been eating and drinking like crazy! Blame the Festive Season!!!!). Mark is not only just a good root but a great mentor. He has taught me not just naughty stuff in bed but to be a healthy eater as well. I dont normally eat breakfast, but ever since I've been with him, I have been doing so. Oh.. and gone are my dopio macchiatto days! Geez.... who would have thought that I would one day stop drinking coffee?!!? Gone are my coffee infused mornings, arvos and even late arvos... hehehehe.... welcome my new friend: Green Tea!!! Hehehehe... I have stopped eating Macca's and have been drinking lotsa water too! One thing that I really cant do is having my Me Time! I dont mind not having much to do. i dont mind being bored and idle sometimes. I normally use those times to think and contemplate about my life and write on my journal. You should see my journal... I've had it since 2002! Evertime I feel upset about something, I just look back at the times when I thought my life is over and then I'll be happy again knowing that I've survived the heartaches, pains and disappointment that some people or situation has given me. Also this year... well... I'm proud to say that I've been getting the best sex in my life! Hahahaha!!! If only I can write it all down and let you know what I've been up to... Jarece... it will drive you crazy!!!! Hehehehehe... Gone are my bad sex days! Thank gawd I broke up with Frank otherwise I'd still be as desperate and cranky as I was before!

I have still a lot of chica to tell you but I'm running out of time. i have to try on this beautiful midnight blue dress that i bought for New Years Eve and I'm so excited about it!

I will try to post pictures here by early next year... and just letting you in on my little secret... i think I'll be going to Spain next yr!!! Yay!!!

Advance Happy New Year to everybody!!!!

I still have the casette tape that the clairvoyant from the Gold Coast gave me last May. It was the reading that she has done for me. She said that there will be a lot of change for me this year and that I will be happy.

Change:

I broke up with Frank last month. The 12th of August I think to be exact. This was when he told me that he has been dating other girls aside from me but he doesnt want to break up cos he doesnt know what he's got to do yet. Well, I know I'm a very understanding person but if I'd put up with him that would just be plain stupid right? So I told him, this has got to stop and we'll fix it by me leaving him. He said he was sorry and that he wants us to be friends. I just said yes, will do. And has since moved on.

A week after we broke up, my friends took me out. We went to this party at Bondi Beach after having dinner and margaritas at Amo Roma. I was even a bit hesitant to go as it was a bit far and we have to bring our own drinks as it was an open house party. Nobody was driving cos everybody was drinking so Anita and I had to catch the bus to go to Camilla's house at Bondi where we will be meeting and going together with her boyfriend Delwyn. As soon as we got there, we met Delwyn and his friend Mark (later will be known as "The Great Marky Experience") When we got to the party we ended chatting with Mark as although there were heaps of good looking guys it was just a bit complicated as everyone was intoxicated. Mark was basically entertaining us the whole nite so we were having fun too. The party started to get a bit boring around 2am so Anita and I decided to go meet up with Louis who was at Kinselas at Oxford St having drinks after watching the Beast Boys Concert. So while waiting for a cab, we told Mark that he should come with us as he wasnt doing anything anyway but go home and sleep. He said he was still jet-lagged as he just got back from Europe Friday morning so he's still not really sleepy so.... yeah.. he came with us. When we were at Kinselas, we started flirting with each other having too much to drink. Shot after shot of tequila, coke and malibu's, illusions, etc.... We decided to go to Ruby Rabbit for a bit to dance the nite away. We had more drinks and Mark and I were just teasing and flirting with each other. Louis was asking Anita if Mark and I were going out as we were acting like a couple and Mark told Louis that we just met that nite at Bondi Beach and we made love at the grass where the daffodils grow! Lol!!! He was making us all laugh the whole nite!!! Then we started dancing together. I dunno whats wrong with me, but we started kissing after! Okay... Mark is blonde and has got blue eyes! NOT REALLY MY TYPE! But I just went with the flow. That nite it was just crazy! I ended up going home with him. We walked to his house (which is just 10 min away from Ruby Rabbit) while occasionally stopping to kiss and rest my feet! When we got to his house, he got us some more drinks. Absolute Raspberry Vodka and lit up some tea candles and played some music. We started making out which ended up in bed till around 10:00 in the morning. My phone was ringing by then. Anita was looking for me. I didnt pick up cos we were busy! Gosh... "The Great Marky Experience!" It didnt stop from there! Well, dont want to elaborate more about what happened but lets just say that we were both so proud of it that we have been telling our friends about it and we're both not embarrassed about it! LOL!!! Some of my girlfriends are a bit jealous... saying they have never had the same experience before and want to experience it... just too hard as its hard to find a guy like that in Sydney!!! Oh well... I guess I just got really lucky!

Oh btw... we're now together. I think he likes me... I mean, he just bought a Mercedes SLK last July... and he told me that I can drive it when he's in Cairns for the week! My guy friends said he's crazy for trusting me that much with his car!!!

Yeah... I like him... he's gorgeous, fun, happy, smart, clever, intelligent and sexy! He doesnt give me grief although sometimes we just get too busy that its hard to find time to see each other, but when we do... oh! Its hard to explain how I feel... Just happy I guess! happy will be the best word to describe how I feel!

What? What about Frank? Frank who?

Finally.....

Its final....

Its over....

Goodbye Frank....

Im finally strong enough to move on and Im surprised that Im actually feeling okay... Gosh... Im better than ever!!!

I dont know why I have been thinking about Christian lately? I dont know why all of a sudden I find myself wondering how he's doing? The fact that he really hasnt done me any good is just so absurd.... Why do I even bother? The lies... the pain of worrying... The tears that werent even worth it.... Why is it that all of a sudden I find myself missing him? All these questions... Its weird... horrendous! Jayd told me last week... I dont need a person like that in my life... Not even as a friend! In all relationships TRUST is one major factor! With what Christian did... there can never be anymore trust left... Not even a single bit. But then again didnt God said "Forgive your neighbour as I forgave you."? I guess I have forgiven Christian for I no longer feel hatred. What I just cant comprehend is why is there an urge of wanting him back in my life... unconsciously?!!!? Why is it that all of a sudden... its all about Christian again? Why is it that I feel that he's back?

This is not right and I will not put up with this freakin thing thats going on with my mind.... I know that somehow I will get over this feeling. Its just a phase... it always happens... Specially when Frank disappears in my life for a while.... So tell me... Do i pass on the blame to Frank? Oh poor me... How freakin impossible huh?!!? Tell me how uncomplicated my life can be....

They call me Anna Banana....

Hahahahaha!!!!!

Had the most happiest birthday of my life here in Sydney! I turned 28 last 23 of May and seriously... it didnt hurt at all! I did most of the things that I planned to do... well everything except for going to Europe but that will still push through... just needs more planning ahead I guess! BUT... one of the most exciting thing that Ive ever done is.... SKY DIVING!!!!

YES! I went SKY DIVING!!!! 13,000 Feet!!! One minute free-fall!!! And a couple of minutes of superm freakin screeming to the max!!! Gosh.... twas the most liberating, daring and unforgetable experience that Ive ever had!!! The night before we went sky diving I couldnt sleep... the fact that I had to wake up early (5:30am) so we wont miss the shuttle bus that would drive us to Picton (where we were gonna jump) didnt help me go to sleep early... I was so excited and so hyped about it! I couldnt stop texting Jayd (my manager and close friend) and couldnt stop texting Frank cos he hates me to go sky diving so I was reassuring him that everything will be okay. I cant help but look at my alarm clock.... Around 5:20am.... I got up... switched off my alarm (couldnt wait for it to go off) and took a shower. By then I was getting more hyped but a bit nervous! Then around 6am I rang Jayd to wake him up. Told him that I'll be at his house around 6:30 so he better be ready. My transport stuffed up a bit so we ended up meeting in the city where the shuttle bus was picking us up and from there was an hour drive to Picton. When we got there it was so freezing cold! I had to wear 3 jumpers and a jacket! Then Jayd offered breakie but I told him that I cant eat yet cos I might feel sick when we jump off the plane. So we ended up sitting under the sun watching the others dive off the plane! I was getting more toey and so excited I was jumping most of the time! Jayd was just laughing at me and he was telling me that I've had too much coffee already! When our names got called.. I messaged Frank one last time saying that we're now boarding the plane... The plane looked realy dodgy mind you! I was more of terrified that the plane would crash but my diving instructor was telling me that the plane's okay.... I should be more mindful of his parachute as we're doing tandem! Hahaha!!! FUN! FUN! FUN! When we boarded the plane he was teaching me how to breathe, how to jump and the rest he will teach me when we're off the plane! We were the last to jump as well... so as soon as I saw Jayd jump I started getting more excited! Seriously... I didnt feel nervous at all!!! I was more excited to jump than to feel nervous! As soon as we jumped off the plane... Rob (my instructor) tapped me on my arm meaning I can now spread my arms! Gosh.... the wind was kinda choking me... I tried to yell out cos he told me that I'll be able to breathe properly if I'll yell out but there's no sound coming out from my mouth!!! As soon as I was starting to feel the pressure in my ears... (they felt like they were gonna pop!) He released the small chute! I started screaming then!!! Then after a couple of seconds he released the main chute... then we started gliding in the sky! He made me steer the parachute and we even did 360 deg turns! OMG!!!! Thats the most fun thing that Ive ever done in my life and I swear to God... I wanna do it again!!! I was so hyped the whole day afterwards! That same night I went out for drinks with my close friends... V, Telly, Bj, Ryan, Anita, Ronald and Mel. They we're trying to get me drunk but I said that I cant drink much cos we've got work the next day and Ive got an appointment with MMM FM... yes... the radio network! V gave me a lift home as he promised me that he's gonna drive me home with his new Skyline with Super Turbo! Freakin hell!!! He started makin sharp corner turns and I almost felt like throwing up afterwards! He was laughing at me and I was telling him off afterwards! Then when I got home Philip texted me... saying happy birthday.... and told me stuff about his life and us... its fun reminiscing but the feeling's long been gone... I have now moved on and Im happy being with Frank. Then the next day Frank messaged me happy birthday then next was Telly then etc... etc... Frank came in at work to see me and get his new phone from me then asked me if I want to go home with him... Told him I cant as Im having dinner with my family.....

Hmmmm.... for the first time... I didnt feel sad or home sick at all! For the first time I was just smiling and couldnt help but think about my birthday this year! I feel really positive about this year... This year is really my year!!! This year will be my birthday year... all year round!!!

Happy Birthday to me again!!!! and for the rest of the year!!!!

PS;

Belated happy birthday to the following:

Kuya Ian, Frank... my darling... my favourite spunk, Ritche and Pam!!!!

in hiatus...

needs to recover from all life's bullshits!

xxx

Anna

Im thankful that Ive got a very loving family and heaps of caring friends who i know will always be around me and will look after me. After what happened to me, I see things in a more positive way now. My parents has been teling me that although its sad, Im lucky that things happened now, not when everything's more deeper between me and Christian. My parents although quite a bit sad and obviously a bit stressed about it has been strong for me and all the while has been talking to me making me feel heaps better and made grieving a lot more easier and lighter. My siblings Mark and Cheska made me laugh and smile through out the whole time.... Im just so lucky to have a wonderful and loving family.

My friends... they're like my family. I was given all out support. I was given heaps of hugs and comforting words. Thanks for the prayers and the love and care that you all have been sharing with me. A special mention to Emily, Jayd, Darrin, Vahe, Kristell and Milan. You guys made sure that I will not stumble after Christian's fall. You guys made sure that I was okay and that ive got enough courage so I too wont fall. The endless conversations and hundred cups of coffee that we drank all the night thru the wake... not to forget Milan's PassionFlower pancakes and waffles. Im so thankful to have you all as my friends... Im so blessed to have such loving and caring friends. What more can I ask for???

Thank you...

-=Yellow=-

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I've done
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know you know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh all the things you do
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know for you i bleed myself dry
For you i bleed myself dry

Its true look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine
look at the stars look how they shine for you

***

you will always be inside my heart... forever i will love you....

Paul Christian Wagner

21.07.73-24.01.05

Hi Babe,

I know you're probably crinkling your forehead again as Im calling you Chrissie once again and you get so annoyed... dont worry, I wont mind you calling me Annsie... I promise I wont be bugging you when you're playing your X-Box anymore. Have I told you??? Jayd has aproved my long weekend before Valentines Day... therefore you can now book the room at the Mountains... You were really hoping that I'll be spending that weekend with you and I know that it would mean so much to you so I told Jayd that I really needed that off. *sigh*

All these things... I wish I was able to tell you before you left. Im just so glad that I told you that I love you... and I still do Chrissie. I now have my very own angel... will you be watching over me? I hope now you're happy... finally... I'm trying to be as strong as I can be babe cos I know thats what you want me to do. You still want me to be happy and Im still hanging on to the things that you've told me... "You will never let go not unless I I want you to..." Babe... I'll never let go ever. You said that things will be better... Im counting on that one too. You said that I should believe that nice things can happen and will last... Babe... I can never understand how you can say that and then just leave me.... Its so hard babe.... I just hope that whatever might happen... you'll guide me and will always be with me...

I love you my baby...

Forever.....

Love...

Your Baby Girl Annsie... xxx to you